i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
