you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
