No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
