..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
