Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
