The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Randomize
