didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
