I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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