i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
party gras won. party gras always wins.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
