our cab driver is having phone sex.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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