I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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