Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
