I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
