at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
