I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
