Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
