By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
