i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
