I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
