i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
