I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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