I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
