remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
