I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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