I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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