I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
This toilet bowl is my home.
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