btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
