She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Randomize
