At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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