I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
