I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
