brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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