Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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