I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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