i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
