Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
