it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
