Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
