There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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