Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
