Sacagawea was the original milf.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
