**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
