You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
