Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
