If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
