Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
