I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
