Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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