Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I understand Curling. That high.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
