"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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