New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
