Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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