you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Oh god it's open bar.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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