Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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