I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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